Comments for Clergy Recovery Network

Comment on Burned to a Crisp? by Jean

Jean — Mon, 31 May 2010 23:22:03 +0000

We came out of a bad situation a couple of years ago and I am still burned to a crisp. I’m terrified of people and returning to *any* church. I pray, read the Bible and talk to my husband, but I know I need to be in church. I just don’t feel like I can trust anyone.

Comment on Supersized Pastor? by Shepherd Now Heavier Than His Sheep? | Dr. Sharma's Obesity Notes

Shepherd Now Heavier Than His Sheep? | Dr. Sharma's Obesity Notes — Mon, 24 May 2010 12:02:16 +0000

[...] eating amongst clergy (who have few other means of dealing with addictions) can be found on the Clergy Recovery Network and other relevant sites that deal with clergy [...]

Comment on Hurting Spouse? by "Mindy"

"Mindy" — Thu, 13 May 2010 21:38:47 +0000

I’m glad to know I’m not alone. In my case, there is no larger organization to turn to. My husband is the head of the Church and has things set up in a way that the Board cannot remove him or make any legal decisions without his approval so he does not care what they think. He pretends to be a loving husband and I used to pretend he was. He does not talk to me if he can avoid it, does not touch me more than five or six times a year, does not interact with our children in any meaningful way, abuses our finances, has pursued other women and given me an STD. I stopped playing the game, stopped going to “his” Church, and no longer care that “his” congregation think I’m rebellious and worldly. He has told them I have been adulterous when he is the one who has violated our marriage. He has been married multiple times and will probably be married many more times and has been adulterous in each one. Based on the ugly things he has said about the women in the Church, I think he secretly hates women in general, not just me. I wish I had the ability to be as blind to this as the Church but I live with a fraud and cannot sit within the sound of his voice on Sundays pretending he is a decent man. I gave up on Church but am now finding a new home for my family and me. I’ll always be seen as the rebel or unsupportive wife wherever I go because I cannot tell anyone the truth without being disloyal. I wish I had never married him but I got myself stuck in a mess and have to…

Comment on Burned to a Crisp? by David K

David K — Tue, 04 May 2010 11:47:45 +0000

Thanks, Dale…I am, after 22 years in the ministry I’ve built up quite a bit of emotional garbage that’s clogging the flow of grace into me and out through me…I don’t want to spend the years I have remaining like this….what are some options that we can explore?

Comment on Burned to a Crisp? by Dale W

Dale W — Mon, 03 May 2010 19:43:46 +0000

Let’s discuss the possibilities. Sounds like you are determined to be on a good path and are moving dramatically in the right direction. Way to go!

Comment on Burned to a Crisp? by David K

David K — Mon, 03 May 2010 19:25:22 +0000

I’m there…have been for several years now…finally giving myself permission to take a six week renewal leave this summer to work through the accumulated stuff that’s got me all clogged up….I’m wanting to work through The Twelve Steps for Christians workbook but need someone to partner with or to be my sponsor/mentor. Can you help?

Comment on If Accountability Groups Don’t Work, What Does? by Liz

Liz — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 15:42:21 +0000

I do think a counselor being available is a tremendous asset to a pastor. Both my husband and I have received counsel since his secrets became known to me 2.5 years ago. It has been more than helpful; it has saved our marriage and our ministry. The fear of confidentiality is larger than life. The cost of counsel is very impacting. This as a perk to ministry could conceivable save ministry marriages and pastors’ private hellholes. We don’t have this at our church; but I wish we did. We would not have made it this far without counsel. Also, Dale W. is a wonderful help but, of course, is only one person, trying to stop a flood of crude. Thank you, Dale, for being there for me long enough for me to not QUIT!

Comment on If Accountability Groups Don’t Work, What Does? by Dale W

Dale W — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 17:18:57 +0000

Thanks big time Bill for your comment. I am thrilled you are out there in the trenches helping leaders connect and heal. May you know lots of success in creating models of vulnerability and honest with pastors. Keep us posted as we would love to be supportive of what works. Kudos to you and those you serve. If we are ever able to give your wagon a push let us know
!

Comment on If Accountability Groups Don’t Work, What Does? by Bill Kuntz

Bill Kuntz — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 05:27:21 +0000

As a psychologist and leadership coach, I have tried to facilitate greater connection and sharing between pastors for many years. This has proved to be more of a challenge than I expected. Most pastors and ministry leaders appear to be very cautious of opening themselves to the possibility of church discipline, loss of respect, or betrayal.

The idea of cross-denominational groups does seem to be a good one. I recently formed a group called the Gateway Christian Leadership Alliance here in Saint Louis, MO. About 8 pastors from several different denominations (or non-denominations) who support my ministry attended the first meeting.

My plan is to have quarterly meetings, share a “leadership nugent” teaching, encourage authenticity, pray for one another, and allow trust and community to build. Looking at ways we can collaborate to reach out to unchurched people or impact our area should provide cohesiveness and a sense of mission.

Please pray that God uses this group to strength his shepherds and heal our tendency towards isolation and secrecy.

Comment on Hope for Pastors Who Batter by Dale W

Dale W — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 23:23:14 +0000

Dear Pamela,

Your question and comment are both very important. Please email me privately to interact regarding developmental reconstruction. To be efficient with time it might even be best to interact on the phone if possible. I suspect the reason you do not have a teachable spirit with the consistency you desire is the enormity of the wounds you have suffered. Again, if if knew more it is possible i could be more helpful. Thanks for the comment.